marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
