You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
