If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
