I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
