I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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