I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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