She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
