Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
