This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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