She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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