um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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