He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
