just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize