whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
