im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
