I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
