I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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