There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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