The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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