I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
