just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
