I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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