I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
