Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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