my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
