So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
