Porn is love you can see.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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