1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
