i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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