her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
