remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
