I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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