i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
