I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
