your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just cropdusted the office
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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