The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
