Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they call him Oral-B. enough said
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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