Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
