she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
