You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
