My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
