Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
