if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize