I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
