Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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