i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
