It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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