So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
