apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
