he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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