Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
