She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
