she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
