It's Friday. Sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
