i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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