This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
