Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
