Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
