2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
