I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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