So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
