well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
