I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize