a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
