Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
