I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
