great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this is an emotional support booty call
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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